Nothing like a little self disclosure to get the blog rolling…
I am new to the blogging world and endeavour to create an open forum where anyone from the global community can express their views, experience and/or expertise on issues raised.
Tonight i am going to start with a brief introduction into my experience with Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder. As the blog progresses i will trace different aspects of my experience with mental illness, such as the stigmatisation of mental illness; evidence based treatment vs personal choices and outcomes; Life course or age related variations of my experience; and personal insights.
I will start back at the beginning…
The First Taste
Like a copper twang
Sharp and bitter
Upon my tongue
My first episode of depression was abrasive and stifling, it had no place in my life, it was an unwelcome alien that took me captive. I became smothered deep inside its coiled copper cocoon of rusted metal, enmeshed in it, enmeshed in my self. Buried beneath layers of self, this became my existence, i suffocated and gasped for air. I was trapped inside an intricately woven meshed copper cage. Cocooned inside, asphyxiating, rocking to and fro, rocking myself off to sleep – knocking myself out of existence and deep into the thick cloudy haze of my depression. I lay dormant.
Waiting. Waiting for what? God? An epiphany upon having my first existential crisis? No.
I was simply waiting to live, to free myself from years of external oppression and internal negative cognitive bullshit pulling me down! Holding me back! I had reached breaking point and clinical depression was my minds way of telling me that enough was enough! Time to pause – well to slam on the brakes and know that it was ok to take time out – to heal – to reconcile unresolved past issues, eliminate toxic relationships, leave behind negative environments and decipher my life purpose.
Although at the time I was only 18 years old and didn’t have the insight or self awareness that I have now so it all just felt like an insurmountable wall I had to climb with no way out. I was lost and suicidal but knew I would never kill myself… Why? I put it down to what I call my positive life anchors which were filled with enough: hope, self-belief, self-worth and a sense of family bonds to keep me going on, to keep me holding on! So I did. I fought hard and I survived. I have relapsed and will go into detail as my blog progresses. For tonight i have to cut this intro short, I will edit and add more here during the week as I structure my blog. A work in progress. Akin to life really.
while this post is incomplete and raw if you have any experience with depression or feel compelled to comment please share – your story would be a valued contribution to the global community in the fight against stigma and towards a better understanding of mental illness.
Also please don’t judge the few posts here as the final product. I will be writing higher quality content that relates specifically to mental and physical disabilities, exclusion, social marginalization, stigma and social justice. I will evaluate current research and articles published in these areas and fine tune the format of my blog. I just had to start somewhere! I was staring at a blank white computer screen thinking “Ok write something anything… just get this thing started” so here it is!
Welcome to the Urban Life Warriors Community Blog 🙂
I like your writing. You will create your best work when you least expect. Just keep working.
Thanx ‘Sexy Legs’ – yes true – still waiting for my state of flow to arrive! #Csíkszentmihályi